tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86571357035497307752024-02-20T01:29:24.256-08:00The Lantern CriticWhy read a critique only a critic could understand?Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-50296228938361897032010-01-15T02:18:00.000-08:002010-01-29T14:13:12.493-08:00Nacho LibreThis movie may just be a thorn among roses. Its goal is not to impress anybody. It is what it is and it IS proud. But just because it is awkwardly unique, that doesn't mean it isn't funny to the right audience. If you can dumb down your mindset quite a bit before this picture... Maybe play with some hot wheels, drink apple juice out of a tippy cup, read "Everybody Poops". Then you will be ready to laugh your head off for at least 1 and a half hours of a brilliantly blissful, blubbering, blight comedy. I personally belonged to the crowd who was laughing hysterically, but I still say "yo mamma" when anybody asks me what I'm doing...<br />
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Nacho Libre is not a safe bet for a first date... rent <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093886/">Roxanne</a>, maybe <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109686/">Dumb and Dumber</a>... This is a comedy that should wait until you know one another's humor. <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/damdum.html">DUM</a><br />
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<a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/people-pointsrating-system.html">2/3 people points</a>. PLEASE don't get me wrong, this movie is hilarious... to me. And to most of the people I watched it with. But with movies that don't quite appeal to those of us who really are or pretend to be mature, there will be critics who claim "it just didn't make me think". To them I say: go see <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209144/">Memento</a>, Prude.<br />
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:)Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-18727685633397875512010-01-14T12:23:00.000-08:002010-01-15T02:25:44.064-08:00The Dark KnightWhile it may come as no surprise to most of us, I must say it anyway: <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/">The Dark Knight</a> was the biggest movie of 2008, the 2000's and possibly of the 20 & 21st century combined. There are few movies which stand in this right to be as popular and resonant with a society as Chris Nolan's cinematic masterpiece.<br />
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At 11:50 July 17th, 2008 I walked into a already crowded theater and sat inevitably down in the front row. Luckily for me, looking up to view this gigantic film only added to the audacity of the picture. Now, not to trash on 3D movies, cause they are cool sometimes... There is just something about the way a film in 2D brings the world into perspective in ways that you couldn't imagine. For example, Chris Nolan manages to do something quite unique in this experience: Gotham (Chicago) looks just about bigger than any city you may have seen in your life, while you watch The Dark Knight, you just contemplate how they made it look so darn big. Does anybody know?<br />
Anybody?<br />
IMAX cameras. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0634240/">Chris Nolan</a> did a brilliant thing: all of the outside city shots of Gotham (Chicago) were filmed in IMAX, yet all of the inside shots were filmed with a smaller, but still high quality; high expense camera.<br />
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But none of that has anything to do with how you would enjoy the movie. When we talk about enjoying The Dark Knight, I mean really, just sitting down with a bowl of popcorn and jujubees... There aren't many movies that can beat it. The storytelling is superb and unique; unlike most superhero movies it does not choose to explore ever facade of every character that the camera ever focuses on. In fact our arch enemy, The Joker, Is not explored at all. Never do we know a single thing about his past, his life, his scars, his love, his insanity... We know one thing and one thing only: The Joker is here to do what he is here to do... and he is going to do it. We find ourselves rooting for the bad guy just a tad, but then again, Batman is a bit of a bad guy too. It takes us a hour of pencils getting shoved into eye sockets, knives in mouths, and hangings off of sky scrapers to figure out that everybody in Gotham is a little good and a little bad. Nobody can point fingers because the second we do, someone has pointed out the flaws we try so hard to mask ourselves. We are products of our environment.Chris Nolan demonstrates this thesis very clearly through the turn of District Attorney Harvey Dent who, like everybody else in Gotham, has the potential to be either the hero or the villain. As we know, Dent turns into Two-Face who has a split personality. The only way he can make up his mind about a certain decision is by flipping a coin. Dent turns into two face because part of his face was burnt and he lost his dearest love, Rachael Dawes (Mega bummer for would be good guys). Chris Nolan has a intention of showing us that the good can fall from the highest steeple... and he makes it very... VERY entertaining<br />
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This movie will make almost every guy happy for a month. Rent it, and watch it with him girls... it's like flowers on a bad day for you. <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/damdum.html">DAM</a><br />
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<a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/people-pointsrating-system.html">3/3 people points</a>. Need i really give a reason? YES, and it is that this is simply the best superhero movie that you may get the chance to watch.Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-32564573057400964232010-01-05T18:23:00.000-08:002010-01-05T18:45:23.542-08:00House & Holmes<div>I need to tell you about a certain case of Deja Vu this Sherlock Holmes gave me. Through more than half of the film I was having this odd feeling that I have watched this character somewhere else , even after I had already established that Holmes was a well written, original and well played character, I was relentlessly having the strangest case of Deja Vu in my comfortable theater chair.... Is there not another actor who entertains us weekly who's name is reminiscent of a place in which we dwell? </div><div><br /></div><div>Ah, Yes... </div><div><br /></div><div>May the real Greg House please stand up? </div><div><br /></div><div>Halfway through the movie I realized why I loved it so much: Holmes IS House! And in case you aren't up on your TV knowledge, House is a witty, sarcastic Dr. who's specialty is none other than diagnostics (let's just all agree that diagnostics is a big word for Medical Deduction). So knowing we have two smart men who specialize in puzzles let us compare deeper, Shall We?</div><div>House can't stay away from a good riddle; Holmes shares the same blissful curse. </div><div>House has quite a unique obsession with music; well, Holmes just likes to torture flies with it. </div><div>House often eats his words; Holmes is also often a little quick to speak. </div><div>House is a master of deduction; and Holmes? that ones a little too easy. </div><div>Both are perfectly willing to embarrass themselves for the sake of solving a case. </div><div>Both would seem to have little conscience. </div><div>And both have drug addictions (House:Vicodin/Holmes:Cocaine) </div><div><br /></div><div>And alas my favorite: Hugh Laurie is a british actor who has come to America to bring "House" to life and Robert Downey Jr. has gone to England to show the English a thing or two about how to be English. </div><div><br /></div><div>Will any of this make you like Sherlock Holmes less? Definitely not. Most likely more, If you like House you will love Sherlock Holmes: the similarities between characters are most likely nothing more than two writers having a similarly brilliant idea. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Madame, I need you to remain calm and trust me, I'm a professional. Beneath this pillow lies the key to my release."</div>Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-57822009035561062502010-01-05T17:01:00.000-08:002010-01-05T21:55:46.418-08:00Sherlock Holmes<div>Sherlock Holmes (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000375/">Robert Downey Jr.</a>) just LOVES to bring his A game.<br />
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</div><div>Fortunately we have an adept thespian to help our protagonist (good guy) do just that. Yet, while Downey Jr. loves to strut his proverbial "stuff" he doesn't quite need to show off in this role for us to be thoroughly entertained. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005363/">Guy Ritchie</a> throws both his fists and a bag of chips into this project; proving that not only can he direct Tarantino-like, yet original action films, but action thrillers that grab you and relentlessly shake till your popcorn has added to the already sticky theater floor. Ritchie has a lot more CGI action than usual, but then again, he may have just been intimidated by Avatar. Overall, Sherlock Holmes may not be for everybody, but almost anybody has a good chance to have a great day at the theater. <br />
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</div><div>This movie is VERY heavy on the suspense and action (also quite a bit of witty dialogue), so if Robert Downey Jr. wasn't as attractive then I wouldn't be able to give it this stamp: <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/damdum.html">DAM</a><br />
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</div><div>Sherlock Holmes most definitely brings you on a ride, it just may not be the twisted roller coaster everybody is looking for. <br />
</div><div><a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/people-pointsrating-system.html">2/3 People Points</a> <br />
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</div>Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-57972680289238150712010-01-01T13:37:00.000-08:002010-01-05T14:07:40.926-08:00AvatarIt's generally considered a good thing to keep your promises. So in all respects, for honesty's sake, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0499549/">Avatar</a> is a great movie. It promises a unique aesthetic experience and delivers in full. Vivid colors and imaginative story lines leak from the sides of the silver screen as you indulge in this heavy hitting "Blue" Christmas. Talk of visual revolution claim you may never view a movie in the same way... and this may be true. Yet, it seems that with the imagination being in the hands of computer animators you may lose a certain sense of the human experience that comes with great art. So a small piece of advice: if you can't stand CGI, do not attend this movie. Aside from the effects, Sam Worthington did a wonderful job portraying our protagonist: a paralyzed ex-marine... but, if we are all honest not a single one of us cared who the actors were; we were there for the blue people. <div>Avatar's effects blew me away in a fashion truly unique. </div><div><br /></div><div>This movie is a HUGE <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/damdum.html">DAM</a> because there is romance for the girls yet war and blue nipples for the guys. </div><div><br /></div><div>People who will dislike this film are as follows: hardcore <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000233/">Tarantino</a> fans (myself included), people with ADD and those of us who just can't get over the fact that half of the film looks just a little bit less real than its supposed to. </div><div>Since that group only comprises about 100 of us this movie finds itself with a solid </div><div>3/3 <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/people-pointsrating-system.html">People Points</a>. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div>Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-20046031949455847332010-01-01T04:09:00.000-08:002010-01-08T00:32:04.847-08:00Did You Hear About the Morgans?<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;"><h3 class="UIIntentionalStory_Message" ft="{"type":"msg"}" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;">The movies plot is not its strong point, for it may just be my belief that trained assassins do not pull their guns in the middle of a crowd of 1,000. Please do not think I'm ruining key plot points for you because I couldn't if I tried. The second you stand in line for popcorn in waiting for this movie, you know how it will end. Yet as always, </span></span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000424/"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #ffff33;">Hugh Grant</span></span></span></a><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;"> is charming and decides to give the movie a piggy back ride to a comfortable 1 and a half hours of semi gri</span></span></span></span><span style="display: inline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;">nned entertainment. Expect to laugh, but only at at the englishmen in plaid.</span></span></span></span></span></h3><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;"><br />
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</div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;">This is by all means a </span></span><a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/damdum.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: red;">DAM</span><span style="color: #999999;">,</span></span></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;"> there are guns for the guys, fashion for the girls... and a little of </span></span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000385/"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #ffff33;">Sam Elliott's</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #ffff33;"> </span><span style="color: #999999;">voice for everyone. </span></span></span><br />
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</div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;">This movie earns a healthy 1/3 </span></span><a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/people-pointsrating-system.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: red;">People Points</span></span></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;"> for being the most entertaining movie about relocation since </span></span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001562/"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #ffff33;">Witless Protection Program</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #999999;">. </span></span></span><br />
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</div></span>Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-28642066365122853802010-01-01T03:45:00.000-08:002010-01-01T04:29:52.914-08:00Julie and JuliaAfter watching Julie and Julia, I now know two things: Cooking never has to be boring, and neither does a movie about it! <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000658/">Meryl Streep</a> does not carry this well written movie because she does not have to. Her performance is wonderful yet subtly hilarious, but she still makes you think in a way you never conceived by this possibly overbearing character. Her display is slightly offset by that of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0010736/">Amy Adams </a> who may take a small backseat behind Streep's huge performance, but when all is said and done refuses to be ignored. Streep and Adams, though spending no time on screen with each other, create a chemistry that is truly unique. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1135503/">Julie and Julia</a> is a instant feel good movie that should be immediately thought of for christmas and birthday gifts for every girl who has occasionally flipped to the food channel. But guys, please don't be put off, this movie will make you laugh and at least think twice about crying.<br /><br />Guys, there is not a much better way to prove you care then a great evening with Julie and Julia and for that reason alone this is a: <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/damdum.html">DAM</a><br /><br />Overall, most will enjoy this movie, a select few will critique its overbearing "chick flick" qualities. Yet there is something overwhelmingly charming about a 6'2 woman cutting a twenty pound mountain of onions.<br /><a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/people-pointsrating-system.html">People Points</a>: 2/3Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-11319518810413822342009-12-31T22:27:00.000-08:002009-12-31T23:18:19.101-08:00DAM/DUMA "DAM" is a Date Acceptable Movie.<br />With all these new movies coming out every week it is tough to find that one that will especially make you and your significant other enjoy your evening out. And though it is the decision of the couple what movie fits them best, I hope to be here to help you determine if and why a certain movie is fit for a special party of two. A Date Acceptable Movie will contain both elements most men and women seem to enjoy.<br /><br />A "DUM" (as you may have guessed) is a Date Unacceptable Movie.<br />Though a movie may be wonderful, or awful, there is nothing that says it is acceptable to bring a date on. There is nothing quite as embarrassing as ending up at <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450314/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FFFF33;">PUNISHER: WAR ZONE</span></a> on a first date. My Duty as your personal movie critic is to make sure you never end up in a situation at a movie where either you or your date feel utterly uncomfortable.<br /><br />and as a wise poet once said "stay classy San Diego"Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-85904560635480322942009-12-31T14:11:00.000-08:002010-01-01T03:43:50.465-08:00People Points/Rating SystemA "People Point" is a simple concept which makes it easy for you to expect a certain standard from a movie you will soon view. Assuming you go to a movie with a group of 3 people, you will not always agree on which of you liked the movie and which of you did not. A People Point is assuming at least one person who viewed this movie enjoyed it. Assuming this, 1 point equals 1 happy camper sitting in awe of this film. Therefore:<br />0/3 people points-almost everyone who sees this movie would be repulsed and only a precious couple will find any entertainment value.<br />1/3 people points-only a small portion of your group will enjoy this film.<br />2/3 people points-its not the best film in the world, but most who view it will sit happily ignorant of its flaws.<br />3/3 People Points-almost every single person who views this movie will smile till the end of their thought filled ride home and only a rare few will, for mostly acute reasons, not enjoy it.<br /><br />as a wise poet once said "sllluuuunnnk"Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8657135703549730775.post-73951339756640642902009-12-31T12:50:00.000-08:002010-01-01T03:43:07.556-08:00Welcome to "The Lantern Critic"Have you ever read a critique you didn't quite understand? Or maybe a film critic you know raved about a certain movie, but when you saw it you scratched your head in confusion...<br /><br />"The Lantern Critic" is designed to be a blog that fairly critiques all movies for you in a way that will help you determine if it is a film you would like to spend your time and money watching. My main goal at "The Lantern Critic" is not to tell you if I enjoyed the movie or not, or not even to tell you if I believed the movie was well made. My Primary concern is to make sure you do not feel you are sacrificing a single ounce of your time or money to go see a movie that has been hyped by critics or friends. Through reading my critiques I hope you may be able to start watching only the movies you and your friends will appreciate and not feel cheated by viewing any movie that you did not thoroughly enjoy.<br /><br />How do I plan on helping you view only the movies you will absolutely enjoy? It's simple; where most critics rave about movies meeting their own view of art or claim that a movie you may clearly enjoy "would not meet filming standards". I will have a simple system to help you deduce wether or not a movie is worth your energy.<br />I will rate every movie not using stars, thumbs up or down, but using People Points. Each movie rated will be given in between 0 and 3 People Points. These People Points will be awarded as if you and a group of three friends were to attend a movie. If it seems that in a group of three people, all three would enjoy the movie, it will be given a full 3/3 people points. Yet if it is seemingly dull and unlikeable it may be only given 1/3 people points. This meter is not meant to gauge how much I enjoyed the film, but how likely it is that you will enjoy the film. The higher the rating, the higher the chance you will enjoy it.<br /><br /><div>To learn in detail about People Points, click <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/people-pointsrating-system.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FFFF33;">here</span></a></div><br /><br />And finally, for all you young (and old) lovers out there, I have taken the liberty of creating a system to help your dating life. Cause let's face it, wether you are single, married, engaged, or just plain lonely... it's nice to go out on a fun date every once and a while! This system is simple, along with my 0-4 People Points I have created the DAM/DUM gauge. Any movie that is labeled DAM "Date Acceptable Movie" is a perfect film to watch with your significant other, no matter who he or she may be. But, beware! If a movie is labelled DUM "Date UNACCEPTABLE Movie" this is not a film that IN MOST CASES will be enjoyable for both parties.<br /><br />To learn in detail about the DAM/DUM system, click <a href="http://thelanterncritic.blogspot.com/2009/12/damdum.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FFFF33;">here</span></a><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FFFF33;"><br /></span></div><div>as a wise poet once said "asta lavista baby" </div>Blair Borlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12009879495665812948noreply@blogger.com0